Wild Wind

Hey everyone. I haven't posted yet because the thought of giving away stuff/meeting a new person/posting on a blog every week was quite daunting to me, and sometimes when I feel daunted I become stagnant or evasive (a flaw, I acknowledge.) So I appreciate this new schedule (thanks Kira!) and I'm happy to share some of my thoughts with you all.

I should start by saying that when I moved from the East Coast to San Francisco a little over a year ago, I brought as little stuff as I could manage. Like most people, I do have too much stuff, but the majority of it is back in New Jersey in my Dad's house, and not in my little room (or my little closet) here in SF. I do have pants/shirts in my dresser that I never wear and should (and will) give away when I get around to it, but I've been enjoying the challenge of approaching this notion of downsizing, simplifying, getting-rid-of-stuff in regards to my "job", my music. (I put job in quotations because music is what I spend most of my time doing, it is my hopeful, desired job, but at this point I am far from depending on it for food/rent.) In thinking about necessity and simplicity, I remembered a quotation that I wrote on my eighth grade yearbook page: "The simplest things are the greatest things." My best friend's aunt said it, and I thought it was poignant and true. I still think it's poignant and true. What are the simplest/greatest things for you? For me, I would say:
-Love (for family, friends, Gabe)
-Music
-The natural world (water, trees, mountains, animals)
I think it's interesting how interconnected these things are. Literally all of my songs are inspired by the natural world and the love in my life.

This brings me to music as "job", and the music industry. The grand majority of artists pursuing a music career these days work within a very clear, and a very expensive (and profit-driven,) paradigm. They hire a manager, a publicist, a booking agent, and sometimes a radio promoter. They have a very fancy website. They tour in buses and on airplanes, covering as much ground, and playing to as many people as they possibly can in a given year. They plug into enormous sound systems, often using many microphones, speakers, and moniters. They perform, most often, in bars (venues want to bring in as much cash as possible, and alcohol sells!) The BIGGER and MORE of all of these factors=the more successful you are, we are to believe.
But all of these factors are so far from simple...so far from the simplicity and greatness of music in its true form, which is what draws me (and many people I know) to music in the first place! It's all so far from the very spirit of music making! I understand that with no regard to how the industry works, I could very easily spend the rest of my life playing my songs to myself and my friends and family, and that is not my goal. I do want to share my music more widely, and I do want to support myself doing it. But what can I use and what can I "get rid of" from that paradigm, in aiming to preserve the source and true spirit of my music? To personalize and prove this point further, many of my songs mourn the death of animals by the roadside, they express wonder in the oceans, thankfulness for the forests; in one song i have the lyric "what i live for...it's in the passing wild wind." How strange and inconsistent to sing these words from my heart, and then to pursue a musical lifestyle that pays no respect to these values? To spend half the year in a car/on an airplane, injuring animals and polluting the air, and missing the beauty around me because I'm moving too fast. Besides sounding like a rather hellish existence, that sort of strikes me as a double-life.
What elements of that accepted industry paradigm are like so many other things we currently believe we need (laptops, TVs, cellphones, ipods, etc etc) but perhaps should be examined more closely, if we are yearning to move away from our incredibly wasteful American lifestyles? (Watch www.storyofstuff.com if you haven’t already.) I have Gabe to thank for introducing me to the bike tour as one potential step in an awesome direction (and for getting the wheels in my brain turning on many of these issues, for that matter.) Though bike touring is scary because a)it's never really been done before and b)it's very physically challenging, it is also extremely rewarding, and in keeping with the spirit of more simple, less-wasteful, less-destructive living. You can literally feel the wild wind on your face as you go. (You can also feel car exhaust sometimes, but you have to take the bad with the good, and besides, that vile smell just reminds you of why you’re on your bike in the first place.)
In addition to exploring alternatives to car/plane touring, other standards I am exited to try and phase out more and more are playing in bars, and playing into big sound systems. Last weekend the Sonya Cotton Band played a show in an intimate acoustic venue that was more like a living room than a bar (they did sell beer, but only on a small scale, out of an ice bucket.) Playing without mics and moniters, being able to hear each other naturally and respond to each others dynamics, with no mediation, was so freeing and inspiring. It felt like we were tapping back into the source of why we sing for people, why we perform (which is something I've been forgetting lately, feeling disheartened after many shows where I now realize I felt disconnected from myself, my band, our sound.) Also, not having to worry about dominating a room full of drunk people was ideal. I'm currently in the planning stages of booking a show in a church, on a hilltop, and in an artist's collective. And Gabe and I are looking into purchasing a bluegrass microphone, so the whole band can sing into one microphone when we play live, and hear each other with our own ears, without moniters filtering and altering our sound. These ideas are starts, and I feel that I have a lot more thinking and figuring out to do on this subject. (Also, to consider the seemingly impossible: what if a red carpet was rolled out infront of me--a label comes to me and offers a record deal/a world tour/etc—what would I do? What sort of success am I truly after?)

As for more people in my life, honestly the most important person is my Dad. Slowly over the past couple of months, and weeks especially, my Dad has started becoming an important presence in my life again. Starting when I was in middle school he started going through a lot of intense stuff, and keeping it all to himself. Therefore, he stopped communicating with his family to a large extent, and I haven't felt close to him since.....maybe since 5th grade? In the past several years since he split up with my mom things have gotten more ugly and I've had a whole lot of anger towards him. This makes me think of your posting, David, about letting go of old grudges and angers, and how much weight you can relieve in forgiving. I honestly didn't think I could ever let go of this anger, not in the foreseeable future at least, but since he's started opening himself to me, I've noticed my anger beginning to seep away. I've felt my heart begin to open. Today on the phone we said "I love you"...That was a big deal! It felt really good.

I can't resist mentioning the other quote from my eighth grade yearbook page, which was: "Go West, paradise is there." (From a Natalie Merchant song.) I do feel that since coming out West to San Francisco I've been so fortunate in the people I have met, and continue to meet. When I lived in New York City, I had few new and meaningful relationships. Here I've made such wonderful friends. I find it true that people here are more open; people are happier too, and that rubs off. Most recent exciting people include: Anton and Scott/Elena. Anton plays violin in a string metal band (we met at Alemany Farm where both our bands were playing.) We met up in the park the other week and played music together. I may help him write songs for a movie score he is working on. Scott is Gabe's friend (they met in Cuba years back), and Elena is his girlfriend. I've been talking with Scott about the possibility of recording my new album in his studio (he's a sound engineer.) Gabe and I invited Scott and Elena over the other night to watch a movie with us, and we all had a really good time and agreed we are excited to hang out again.

Okay, I think that's all. Thanks for reading, and please share any thoughts you have. Also, thanks for including me in this blog-- I’m honored to be included in this family affair! I've really enjoyed reading peoples thoughts so far. And Dave and Yasi, I look forward to meeting you guys someday soon. Perhaps when Gabe and I are on tour up North in September?

Sonya